Ah the month of love, a time when most of us are searching for romance, love and discounted chocolates.
A time where messages of love surrounds us as it’s portrayed in novels, movies and social media. It’s easy for those among us who are single to believe that love can offer you a happiness that nothing else can. The world that portrays love as a spice of life that people need in order to feel ‘fulfilled emotionally, mentally and physically’.
Or at least, that’s what some people believe.
I know I used to at one point in time.
Although that was a very long time ago, my mind was also indoctrinated into believing that the only way I could be truly happy would be if I was in a romantic relationship. If I had someone to share romantic experiences with and feel butterflies in my tummy and message somebody all day and all night. Truth was, when I finally did achieve it, my expectations were so overblown and my insecurities got the better of me which eventually drove my significant other into the arms of another.
The heartbreak was unbearable.
In fact, it was so unbearable that it tore me apart into a heap of misery with broken shards of my heart scattered all over the floor.
It truly was…the best thing that ever could have happened to me.
If you’re sitting with a “WTF” look on your face, feel free to reread that last sentence because it true. (I’m not writing fiction today)
Before that moment of total self-destruction, my mind was completed warped.
My mind’s focus was looking at everything wrong with me and why I could not be with someone.
“Why would anyone want me? I’m so plain, uninteresting and unattractive. I’m a waste of space. I should not be around. The world would not miss me if I was not here”
All of these thoughts interspersed with issues like loneliness, low self-esteem, many insecurities and just feeling like all round…loser.
When I finally found a partner, it was wonderful. But it could not fix the cracks in my esteem.
So that is why…in that moment of darkness and heartbreak…the lowest point…I looked myself in the mirror and said “Either stop living or get STRONGER”
I did not want to die. Despite the pain. I wanted to move forward because I knew I could NOT go back to what I was before.
And so I did something I’d never done before. I started having a relationship with myself.
I began making an effort on myself by doing things I’d never done before. Because I learnt ‘to have something you have never had you have to do something you have never done before’. So I did. I start working on myself in the following ways:
- Reading more novels
- Drinking more water
- Eating more healthily
- Exercising regularly
- Helping people in as many ways as I could in order lift some darkness from their own life
- Finding ways to show my friends and family that I care
- Made an effort to meet new people
- Made an effort to say yes to new and different things
- Learnt to improve the way I spoke to people and potential significant others.
- Improved my posture
- I started treated myself to things
- Improved my grooming and dress sense
- Read through LITERALLY hundreds of articles of self-improvement and inspiration (thanks to http://www.stumbleupon.com)
- I learnt to appreciate everything that I have right down the very cells in my being
- I learnt how to control my thoughts and let them lift me up instead of break me down
- I learnt how to set my mind to something and achieve it
- Read through literally hundreds or uplifting quotes about life, love, sadness, strength and moving forward.
- Spent time learning how to fold origami, speak some Spanish and improve my writing ability
- I learnt to love myself for who I was for the first time in my life
These are only some of the things I did during this transition period. It became my obsession. It became my life. I learnt that if I make myself better, my self-esteem, self-worth and value goes up. I started feeling happy to wake up in the morning. Everyday presented itself with new opportunities to me that I looked forward to explore.
I was excited to improve myself. I was excited to spend time with me. I had never felt that before in my life. It was so liberating. Yes there were ups and downs. But during the downs I would able to close my eyes and think clearly about what is going on. I was able to step back look at the bigger picture. I was able to clear my head of all the self-defeating talk and overcome my own criticism in order to see myself in a new light. One that fully exposes the greatness within that I’ve always had but felt almost unworthy of it. I had come to a point where I no longer cared about having a romantic partner because I was enjoying my own life so much. I had become enough. I was giving myself the fulfillment that I thought I needed someone else to give me.
So this month of love. Whether you are single or not. Consider your relationship with yourself. Consider how you talk to yourself. Consider the thoughts that go through your mind.Contemplate your habits and character. Remember your friends and family. Consider things
that you can do to improve yourself.
I’ve written it in my previous articles. You are better than you think. You are worthy of everything this world has to offer. You are amazing. You have greatness in you. Find it!! And let the world see it shine through you!
Show yourself some love this month, by improving yourself, treating yourself and showing yourself some care. Be more appreciative to your current friends and family. Spoil them and show them that you love them. Be more forgiving of yourself and more understanding. Find ways to improve your worth and value if you feel its low. Set goals for yourself and achieve the hell out of them. Start being more grateful for things and find joys in the smallest of creations in this world. Take some time to smell the roses (but don’t buy them, they’re crazy expensive this month 😉 )
Always remember, you are the most important person in your life. Never whittle yourself away for someone so much so that there is nothing left of you.
Don’t worry about being single if you are. It won’t last forever (TRUST ME!) and it is the perfect time to become a better man or woman for YOU and the world to admire and appreciate. This is the time where you are free of relationship responsibilities. You have more time, more money and more room to improve. Take advantage of the time as it will not always be around.
And don’t ever believe nobody loves you. Because if you are struggling to think of someone. Think of me. I would not be typing this if I did not care about you.
Show yourself some love… ❤