Ever had that moment?
The one where your eyes glaze over, your breath quickens and your heart beats rapidly….
You see the world crumbling around you. Your memories become tainted and ‘what could have beens’ keep crashing around you shattering into pieces. You feel and hear your soul howl in anguish as your heart shatters into tiny shards…you try to pick them up and put them back the way they were…but you just cut yourself in the process…you look away from the shards….your eyes drowning in tears….as nobody else sees the utter chaos your mind and soul is surrounded by. You want the earth to stop so you can get off. You just want to escape this reality….and just as your world around you is falling apart…so are you.
You must be wondering…where’s the beauty in that?
Where is the beauty in suffering, misery, loneliness, loss, jealousy, missed opportunities and unfulfilled desires?
Where is the beauty of falling apart???
Breaking apart forces our humanity to the forefront of our perspective.
In a society that encourages us to avoid pain at all costs and offers an abundance of ways to numb our senses with options like alcohol, drugs, pornography to more mundane preoccupations such as video games, television and just sleeping the days away which is the EASIEST form of escape. When we use these options to ignore our pain we are not really solving anything. We are simply hanging a painting over an ugly hole in the wall. Eventually the photo will fall and we may even discover the disfigurement has gotten much worse over time. It won’t simply disappear. Running away from pain…is essentially running away from our humanity and reality.
“We can ignore reality but we cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.”
By running away from reality we are trying to escape ourselves and who we are. Those feelings of pain and loss only stem because we were able to feel happy and fulfilled and thus are obviously going to feel the opposite. We have to take the bad with the good. We never attempted to escape happiness so why do we need to escape sadness?
I’m not suggesting that we need to seek out undesirable emotions, but I am saying that they are important to feel just as much as happiness. It’s part of the human experience to feel a whole range of emotions.
And FEELING the emotions is the most important thing. If we feel pain, acknowledge it, if we feel loss, acknowledge it or if we feel alone acknowledge it and feel it completely. We need to accept the idea that we are falling apart. We need to drown ourselves in that emotion and accept it because only once we accept what we are feeling are we able to let it go and grow from it.
And this is where the beauty arises.
To be lying down on the ground, and out the corner of our eye, we see the broken pieces of our past. We have replayed the memories over and over, analysing it to see where we could have done something different in an attempt to have changed the outcome. Some of us may have tried to put the pieces back together, just like it was in the past. But we only cut ourselves in the process as the broken shards cannot return to the way it once was. We come to realize that we are at a low point in life, perhaps the lowest we have ever been.
“When a man is at his lowest point, he is capable of his greatest change”
With all this knowledge in our mind we come to understand that the over-analyzing is pointless. Nothing will change the past. We come to realize that we can only move forward and that at our lowest point, we can only go UP. With this notion in mind we use our perseverance to turn our heads away from the broken pieces and look
towards a different direction. A direction pointing towards a better future. And using our courage we look up and start moving towards our future with a slow crawl until we gradually work our way up to our feet and we start walking towards it.
As we walk we begin to grow and understand…that a human being with so many cracks in their heart and soul that moves forward is able to fill the cracks with wisdom, experience, kindness, compassion, sensitivity, vulnerability and a deeper understanding of themselves and others. These fillers are like gold lines inside your heart and soul and make you more beautiful as a human being. A beauty that shines through with our actions and attitude.
As the past calls out to us, we sometimes look back. But the view is becoming more and more obscured as the present moments build on top of itself giving us something new to look at. New memories and new experiences that we must look for and embrace as they arrive.
The past will always be in our minds. The “what could have beens” and the memories of old. But we don’t have to be victims to the past. We are not our story. Every day is a new day and everyday can be a new life. We can be whoever we want to be anytime we want. Nobody wants to be consumed by pain so rather choose happiness and strength. Embrace those ideals and it will be a reality. After all…WE BECOME WHAT WE THINK ABOUT.
With this we realize that we should not run away from our pain like we would run away from an Adam Sandler movie and nor should we try to numb ourselves in order to feel nothing at all.
By falling apart we can find a new perspective on the good we truly have in life. We begin to find joy in the simplest of things again.
The beauty lies in the idea when a human being falls apart….over and over and over again…we always crawl back to our feet and rebuild ourselves into someone better than we were before. We always get stronger and wiser every time.
Because we understand that no matter how horrific things become, the earth will keep on spinning. The sun will rise tomorrow and with a new day, we can create a brand new life. All we have to do is make the decision to accept reality and move forward while expecting better things to come your way.
Let’s not waste time running away from our humanity. Let’s fall apart…its nothing to be ashamed of…but a necessary journey to take in order for us to grow into the person we are truly meant to be…
“Ever since we were born, crying has been nothing more than a sign that we are alive.”